Gluttony

Jennifer Brown

Allow me, for a moment,

to sing my body electric.

To acknowledge the strange current

running from body to soul to mind.

Hail! to the bone beneath my flesh,

existing without a bicep for protection.

Hail! to my self-righteous hip bones,

commanding with such grace.

Hail! to the Queen of this body --

Omnipotent Collarbones,

ruling with such tyranny.

Seeing all,

settling for nothing but the best.

It takes discipline to be this beautiful.

Allow me for a moment,

to sing my body immaculate.

To honor its natural ability

to challenge that which is desired.

Damn! my pre-pubescent breasts,

refutable lumps of fat

depleting for lack of purpose.

Omniscient Hunger,

ruling with such abandon.

Knowing all,

settling for nothing but failure.

It takes discipline to be the ugly.

Allow me, for a moment,

to sing my body ambivalent.

Can’t you see the duality of it all?

This sado-masochistic affair

I have with my own image.

Anxious fingers

reading my body like Braille.

Counting bones--

Grasping fat--

Maniacal fingers

choking my body with force.

Purging the past.

Spewing the future.

Forgiving the present.

My life isn’t full--

unless I am empty.

My heart isn’t content--

unless I am in pain.

Like frostbite,

the suffering doesn’t hurt

until it begins to thaw.

Staring at scars,

etched into my skin--

my sadness comes alive.

Feeding on the decay of my body.

Preying on the decay of my soul.

Subsisting on the decay of my mind.

Death rattles loudly in my stomach.

Persistent in its denial.

Killing me in slow motion.